Some Thai Girls Aren't Girls

Anyone who has ever visited Thailand will know about the beauty of Thai women. In their twenties, they are striking. In their thirties, they are looking more mature, but still most are very attractive.

The women working in the ubiquitous bars and massage parlors of Bangkok, Pattaya, and Phuket are mostly former housewives, believe it or not, married but separated, with two kids they left back in their village with their mothers. Most are from Isaan, the North-East corner of Thailand, which has a large amount of poverty. Some are from other parts of the country, especially Chiang Mai and Chiang Rai, and a very few are from Bangkok or central Thailand.

But about 1 in 100 is not a female at all, but a "ladyboy", or katoey in Thai. Quite often, they appear more feminine than the real women. I have seen many a farang ogle and lust after a very sexy woman, not realizing that "she" is a "he".

Like the women, most ladyboys are from Isaan. I have talked to a few on a one to one basis, and asked them when they first knew they wanted to be a female. All said they knew at an early age, around 5 or 6 years old. They said they liked the female manner, didn’t like rough sports, were partial to art and music.

Katoeys are an accepted part of Thai culture, considered to be a third sex in Thailand. Several are movie stars and TV announcers. One is a national kick-boxing champion. You will find ladyboys everywhere, working as waiters, store clerks, hairdressers, couriers, etc.

In North America and Europe, a sex-change (also called a gender re-assignment) operation is considered to be a big deal, requiring many months of psychological counseling before the operation to make sure the person is committed to the change.

In Thailand, a sex change operation is quite common. There are several clinics and hospitals which perform it, and the cost is a fraction of what the western charge would be, typically US$5000-7000. Nevertheless, for a poor person from Isaan, $5000 is a huge amount of money.

There are three main areas in Bangkok where ladyboys are present in large numbers: Nana Entertainment Plaza (on Sukhumvit Soi 4), Patpong Road (off Silom), and Soi Cowboy (close to the intersection of Sukhumvit Road and Asoke Road, which has both BTS SkyTrain and MRT Subway stations).

At Nana, the majority of ladyboys are "pre-op", meaning they still have a penis. At Patpong and Soi Cowboy, most are "post-op", meaning they have had the operation to create a vagina. The operation involves cutting out a section of intestine, which will become the vagina. The penis is cut open and inserted into the intestinal tube; typically some of the scrotal sac is used to increase the length of the new vagina. The tip of the penis becomes the new clitoris, and is normally still sensitive after the procedure is finished and everything has healed. The ladyboys I talked to said they could still have an orgasm, but did not ejaculate.

Scar tissue is visible if the post-op ladyboy retains his/her public hair, but if it is shaved off, it is difficult to tell an artificially created vagina from the real thing.

However, this is typically not the end of the story in sex reassignment. The male body is typically larger than the female, even in Thailand, where many people seem to be 80% the size of western people. The ladyboy has to take hormones for a couple of years before the operation; these hormones help him grow breasts and reduce his facial and body hair growth. Thai men don't usually have much body hair, compared to Western men, but they do have some; hormones or another treatment are needed to reduce or eliminate it. However, hormones have a side effect of reducing the ability to ejaculate.

Males typically have a protruding Adam's apple, so that is yet another operation: it can be shaved by a surgeon to reduce or eliminate the protrusion. And many have electrolysis to eliminate body hair, especially in the armpits.

If you visit Nana Entertainment Plaza after 7PM (which is when it opens), you will find several hair-dressing establishments located on the decks that run around three sides of the structure. The ones at the front cater to the bar girls; the ones at the rear cater to ladyboys. You can watch some of the ladyboys preening and preparing their makeup.

Some of the bars are exclusively ladyboys. If you enter one such bar, you will find that most ladyboys are more than passable and some are strikingly beautiful. I don't think I have ever seen an ugly ladyboy.

As far as relationships go, ladyboys are just like Thai women. They want a long-term relationship, and they will try hard to make the relationship work. Many speak some English, but you really need a product like Speak Easy Thai to help you learn some basic Thai vocabulary. If you can communicate better, you have a much better chance of a lasting relationship.

A part of Bangkok's nightlife that should not be missed by any visitor, ladyboy cabaret shows are professionally done, with spectacular productions (lots of feathers and glitter, good music, and some comedy as well). You can see them at the Calypso Cabaret (Asia Hotel, Ratchathewi SkyTrain station), Golden Dome Cabaret (15 minute walk from Sutthisan subway station), and Mambo Cabaret in the former Washington Theater between Sukhumvit Soi 22 and 24. Sphere: Related Content

Learning Thai -- The Language of Crows

This morning, at dawn, I listened to the morning news delivered by a large, black crow in the tree next to my bedroom window. This crow has a very large vocabulary, and its language is tonal, like Thai. Although crows can make only one sound, which in English we transcribe as "caw", in fact it uses the same five tones as Thai.

The morning news lasted about ten minutes, with frequent pauses, which I took to be the pause between sentences or paragraphs. This crow used repetition and tones to create different words. Unlike Thai, which only duplicates a word to indicate a generic plural, the crow would issue as many as five identical caws quickly, then pause slightly. I took the five caws to be one word or phrase.

Thai uses five tones: low, middle, high, rising, and falling. The crow used the same tones. There was clearly a "caw?" and a "caw!", which were quite distinct from the other three caws: low caw, middle caw, and high caw.

As far as I could tell, the crow did not repeat itself during the ten minute news announcement. I could not hear any answering crow, so I took this as general broadcast news, as opposed to "hey, I'm looking for a mate!".

In Thailand, 20 years ago, I lived at JB Mansion on Phaholyothin Road, Soi 3. I often went into the pool, but I had to wait until sunset, as I have fair skin and burn easily. There was a large bird, perhaps a parrot or toucan, in a cage that was obviously too small, on the balcony of the apartment building next door.

All day, this bird sent out a single whistle, which I took to mean, "Is anyone there?"

One day, I repeated the whistle back to him. It was easy to reproduce and I did it accurately.

The bird immediately perked up, shifted around on its perch, sat up straight, turned its head around in both directions, and issued a different whistle which I had never heard before.

I duplicated that whistle, and the bird looked confused. It tilted its head, shifted around, then issued the second whistle again.

I repeated it.

The bird settled down, and went back to issuing the first whistle.

So what happened here?

Clearly, if the first whistle meant "Is anyone there?", the second whistle meant "I am here, who are you?" and it should have been followed by a third whistle, which I did not know.

This is similar to the "discovery protocol" used in computer communications, for example with Bluetooth and Wi-Fi devices. An initial signal, called "Attention" in computer-speak, is followed by an "Acknowledgement", and then a "Begin Transmission". This is also termed a "handshake".

When communicating with the parrot, the handshake failed as I did not provide the correct third whistle, and the bird realized that I was not another parrot.

Getting back to the crow, it did not do what the parrot did, that is, issue a single sound repeatedly. It was clearly speaking different sentences for a long period of time, ten minutes, without repeating itself, as far as I could tell.

In Australia, some crows in the Northern Territory have figured out how to eat cane toads, which have two poisonous sacs behind the head. Normally, anything that eats a cane toad dies. Because of this, cane toads have spread southwards and have now reached Sydney. But the crows near Darwin have figured out that if they flip the toad onto its back, they can eat the cane toad by going through the stomach.

Amazing birds, crows. I never realized before today that they spoke a version of Thai. I wrote Speak Easy Thai to help people learn Thai; maybe I should write a Speak Easy Crow.

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Learning to Speak Thai

The main problem with learning to speak Thai is that the basis of the language is not European-based. English and the other Euro languages have Latin, Greek, Viking, etc., roots; Thai does not, so you have to memorize hundreds, if not thousands, of strange and unrelated sounds. This is difficult, unless you use some sort of memory trigger.

Speak Easy Thai is a low-cost (about US$25) CD-ROM that helps solve this problem by presenting a picture and a sound file; all words are spoken by a native Thai speaker, so you hear the correct tone.

If you see a Thai word printed in a book, such as a travel guide, chances are you will not remember the word because there is nothing to hang your hat on.

But when you see a picture of something and hear it spoken properly in Thai, your brain will find it much easier to remember the word because it seems to set up more associations (hypertext links, if you will) in your brain.

It’s a fact that most people learn better visually and aurally than they do by simply reading and trying to memorize. This is, in fact, how children learn. They hear the words spoken by adults and other children, and repeat them. Young children learn to speak a language well before they can read.

Thai uses its own alphabet, rather than pictograms like Chinese, which makes it much easier to learn than Chinese. You just have to get over the hump of reading the Thai characters. The alphabet contains the same letters as English, but they are drawn differently. For example, all the common consonants and vowels exist in Thai, but a Thai G (or P or M) does not look like an English G (or P or M).

But the best part of learning Thai is the grammar, believe it or not, because there is very little to learn. There are no, absolutely NO verb conjugations, which will please anyone who has ever tried to learn one of the Latin-based languages like French, Italian, and Spanish. Future tense is handled with "ja", meaning "will", or by adding an adverb of time, like "tomorrow". Past tense is handled by putting "already" at the end, or by adding an adverb of time, like "yesterday". For example, instead of saying, "I went to the market", you use the present tense ("go") but add "already" at the end, as in "I go market already". Easy peasy.

Also, adjectives do not change form, you don’t have to worry about the sex of a noun because all nouns are neuter. Adjectives always follow the noun, without exception; you say "house big" rather than "big house".

General plurals are done by doubling the noun: "house house" instead of "houses". Specific plurals use the same construction we use in English for groups, as in "The farmer has three head of cattle". You can’t say "I have three children" in Thai, you must say "I have child three person"; "child" is the noun, "person" is the group word, also known as a "classifier".

Adverbs are easy too, no variations. You can add emphasis by doubling the adverb: "He runs quickly quickly".

The most difficult part of learning Thai is that it is a tonal language. English uses tones on sentences. Compare these three statements:

"You’re going to the party."
"You’re going to the party?"
"You’re going to the party!"

They all use the same English words, but the tone (flat, rising, falling, respectively) gives an entirely different meaning to each sentence.

Thai uses tones on words, but not on sentences. For example, "seu-ah" spoken with a flat (mid-range) tone means "clothing"; "seu-ah" spoken with a rising tone means "tiger". So you must be careful to learn the correct tone for each word, otherwise you might be saying "my tiger is dirty" when what you meant is "my clothing is dirty". There is no doubt that this is the hardest part of learning Thai, and the only way to learn the correct tone is to listen to a native Thai speaker saying the word. Sphere: Related Content